This is no longer a blame game.
Not some race to see who hurt who the most.
This game is now my own.
This is my time of recognition.
And from this place, I surrender.
Guards down. Wide open. To see.
To see that I am detangled from the history of 'how'
To see that I had accepted a love with conditions,
and at one time that was enough.
To see that my need to feel loved was far greater than my need to feel respect.
To see 'the me' before I entered this.
The parts I didn't know, the parts I feared to know and the parts I still long to know.
Within this recognition I can see that none of this is by accident and ALL of it mattered.
I believe there is a saying that says, the hardest part is knowing when to let go.
Guards down. Wide open. To see.
It's time.
~ Ange Arbuckle